Quelqu'un Comme Toi et Autres Choses

So, I'm stuck here again, procrastinating, or trying to, this time I've got Use Somebody by Kings of Leon on repeat. The great thing about music is that you can find something for whatever mood you're in, no matter how bizarre or banal, there's always a song to go with your thoughts.
There's nothing better than having friends, and I love all of mine. Every time I get into a shitty mood for whatever reason, or feel like a really stupid asshole, I think about my friends, and just that thought can make me happier.
But recently I've become so tired and worried and that's when the self-doubt that is usually there in the background pops up and holds on, and you try to smile it away, laugh louder and it'll just go, drink a bit more and you'll forget it, but it's still there. You can paint it however you want to, but it doesn't change a thing, they're still your worst fears painted in a fucking rainbow.
I don't have any problems per se, it's just that I've been realising a whole lot of shit recently, and it has all come in one huge wave and now I can't continue lying to myself. It's like my conscious and my sub-conscious had a little chat and now seem to know everything about one another. We all have different levels of consciousness for a reason, and trust me, it's better that way. It's like having two friends- one is like an acquaintance who you chat with on the way to work, maybe share a few jokes, been to the cinema together once, the other is someone who you've known for years, who knows all your secrets and flaws. Then the two meet somehow and decide to have an extensive talk about you, and all of a sudden the acquaintance knows your middle name and what kind of music you were into back in the 90's.
It's all very nice knowing what you want, but when you know it's virtually impossible to get it, you'd rather stay in the blissful shade of ignorance, trying to find out the answers. I'm still finding the answers, only not as many.
Feeling like this wouldn't be half as bad if I wasn't such an asshole to the people that really matter, the few that don't seem to mind me as much, the ones I really couldn't get by without. If I really like someone, they will rarely piss me off, rather I get pissed off at myself most of the times for being asshole. I seem to accept other people's fuckery much better than my own. Unless they're the other 99% of people I know who are pompous idiots, then I'll be killing them with my eyes.

What can I say, I'm an imbecile.





I've been reading Stephen King's Duma Key, bloody long book, weighs as much as a brick, which doesn't do any good to the 100 tonnes of school stuff I have to carry around on the tube. So far it's good, not the best thing I've read ever, but I wanted to read some Stephen King, and I think I should have read Carrie first or something. The reviews are all really good, and they all mention how haunting the story is. Either it's too early in the book, or I'm too insensitive to even be haunted by anything. In fact, the last time I was remotely haunted by a piece of literature was when reading Edgar Allan Poe at night. Now THAT is fucking scary.

I am presently falling asleep on the keyboard. So I take that as a sign to move on and get me some food.

xoxoxo (I wish I was Gossip Girl)

Procrastination for the Nation!

It's great what you can do to avoid doing what you have to do!
I have devised a list:

1. Watching TV is the obvious one, so is reading a book, listening to music, posting a blog, playing stupid games on your computer or going on bored.com
   
   
2. Painting your nails. If you really want to waste some time, try making tiny drawings on them with the nail varnish, or even learn esperanto and write out a secret message in your nails. (this is even more fun if you're a straight guy)
   
   
3. Learn the lyrics to Jesus of Suburbia, it'll take you a whole week!
   
4. Get as many books from the library as possible, and underline words in invisible ink (the kind that shows up under UV light) so that it makes out a weird message like "You are the chosen one, you must save the people of Crandacar, the small people will have the answer to your chair" . Only use classics, the older the better.
   
   
5. If you own a make up bag, or any kind of bag with lots of things inside, take them all out, clean them, even if they're already clean, lay everything out in alphabetical order, and put it all back into the bag in that order.
   
6. Raid your parents wardrobe and try everything out, put on some music and pretend you're in Uruguay's Next Top Model.
   
7. Research everything you like on Wikipedia, read all the related articles. My favourite is going through lists of Metal bands and going on their myspace pages to listen to their music.
   
8. Go on imdb.com and look up all the films you like, all the directors, and actors and read their bios (especially the cute ones)
   
9. Write reviews for your favourite books on different sites.
   
10. YOUTUBE! the neverending source of visual pleasure, where you will find ANYTHING you want- from the sublime to the mind-raping. Don't forget to leave lovely comments!
    
11. Find swear words in various languages, Japanese is really cool, and Latin makes you sound very cerebral.
12. My friend taught me this one: Look for people on Myspace/Facebook with the same names as fictional characters from Soap Operas, Films, Books, and so on.
    
13. Read my blog :)

I've been avoiding essays and coursework today, suppressing the feeling of guilt with a large amount of denial, Freud would love me! Regina Spektor has been helping me keep in denial, I'm starting to really love her since listening to this song from my friends mobile when we were all really drunk and nearly passed out. Alcohol is BAD, kids!

Blogs and Vampires and other such things.

How lovely! Another blog that nobody reads! HA! However, I will be tenacious and keep on with this one, hopefully. Being new to the world of the Blog, do not be alarmed if I have added you or whatever you do in order to get people to read this crap, it just means I liked your blog so, really, you should be flattered. I like writing about the things I like, funnily enough, and I like knowing what other people think about the things I like. All in all, expect a lot of bull from this space, and a few short stories (yes, I'm that type), and if not that, a lot of angry ranting!

Everybody who hasn't been living under a rock for the past couple of years has heard of the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer. I did too, about two years ago, and have been turning my nose up to it since then, resisting the sickly sweet romantic plot of hot vampires and accidental heroines (think Northanger Abbey's Catherine Morland in an episode of Buffy) that seems to have been written for the sole purpose of making teenage girls swoon. Oh, but I was tempted, temptation being the only thing I cannot resist, and swoon I did.

With a plot that relies solely on characterisation, specifically how ethereally beautiful but tormented Edward Cullen is, being the hot vampire next door who drives a shiny Volvo, it takes a good while for Twilight to kick in with the action which, although pretty good, is a bit too scarce, tailing off into some more romantic fluff involving self-perceived 'plain Jane' Isabella and her vampire lover (did I mention that he is really really hot?). Bella's obsession with Edward's attractiveness (a bit of an understatement there), borders on obsessive, and sometimes cringe worthy, although it does provide female readers with a pretty excellent vampire pin-up to drool after.

The plot may be whimsical and long winded, characterisation may rely a little too much upon adjectival description, and sometimes you may wonder why Edward (who, by the way, is perfection incarnate) takes so much interest in Bella, who as the narrator doesn't understand this herself. HOWEVER, in the end, it is a gripping read, despite all the reported speech followed by adjectives and adverbs which almost sound like stage directions, it is a bloody awesome book. The characters are easy to empathise with, the plot manages to flow despite being slow, and most importantly, the readers are made to give a crap about the characters, even if it is all a little too superficial, it is fun.

Needless to say, I cannot wait until the release of the Twilight film, it's great material to work into a movie, hopefully they haven't fucked it up. Of course, I will NEVER admit to having a crush on Edward Cullen, and thinking that Robert Pattinson makes a great veggie vampire.